Well That's Not a Funny Joke

There's going to be a lot of pregnancy and biology talk that might make you uncomfortable in here.  If you're squeamish, do yourself a favor and run away now.

Ahem.

So...as you know we saw a baby and a heartbeat on Wednesday.  Less than 48 hours later I started bleeding pretty good and Friday night I'd passed a few clots.  I called the DR and they said "nothing we can do just wait it out."

Guess who's not patient?

Went to the ER Saturday morning and the following is a summary of things that were wrong/confusing:

HCG up to 30,000 but was at 15,000 last Friday.  Should have quadrupled but only doubled.  However my last set of tests didn't rise like they were supposed to either...I went from 5,000 to 10,000 in two days.  This is confusing. 

My white blood cell count is equal to that of a chemo patient.  Other issues with my blood include low platelets and other issues with low red blood cell count overall.  This is confusing and not at all normal for a pregnant woman.  Or any woman for that matter.

Had a pelvic exam which basically showed that my cervix is closed.  This is a sign that things are fine and I'm not miscarrying.  But still bleeding profusely.

Had an ultrasound (which for some reason required a catheter?  OUCH!) and found the following (but "they didn't get a great look so they're not really positive"):

Heart shaped or biocornuate uterus which means I might have two "horns" at the top of my baby maker.  But they're not sure.  The baby is in the left side with "possible" enlarged yolk sac (which is apparently a sign of miscarriage but I have no idea why and they didn't bother to explain), no visible heartbeat and no doppler heart-beat sounds, "possible" large complex subchorionic hemotoma (blood clot between the placenta and gestational sac wall) and "possible" abnormally shaped gestational sac.  None of these things are good.  The baby was still there but there are lots of "possible" or what I called likely problems.

In the right side of my possibly mishapen uterus you'll find a 5.86x2.84 cm hemorrhagic blood clot type thing.  No idea how that got there or why it's there.

To sum it up I MIGHT have a weird uterus with suspected fetal demise and huge hematoma bleeding out my whoo-ha and more blood randomly coming from the side where there isn't a baby.  I also still have a massive ovarian cyst that could rupture painfully at any time.

After the four hours of tests  diagnosed me with "threatened miscarriage" and said he was not optimistic thEN the educational paperwork they gave me?  Says exactly the following:

"Bleeding within the first 20 weeks of pregnancy is called a threatened miscarriage.  It may mean you have an increased chance of having a miscarriage.  However, MOST women who have vaginal bleeding or spotting during early pregnancy go on to have healthy babies."

What the HELL!?!?!

So now they want more blood work, more ultrasounds, more fun!  Oh and more money because I'm pretty sure this trip to the ER used up my health fund so now the $3000 deductible fun begins.

Oh and after almost a full day of no bleeding after the hospital, it's started up again in a bad, bad way.  By Sunday I'd pretty much resigned myself to the knowledge that we've lost this baby too.  Monday this was confirmed when the Dr. did another ultrasound and my entire uterus was filled with blood clots.  My placenta had basically pulled away from the uterus wall due to a clot underneath it and drowned the baby in blood. 

I think I'm doing better than last time because I wasn't optimistic from the beginning.  I'm a little mad that the houdini baby made an appearance on Wednesday just to kick the bucket the next day (or possibly even THAT day.)  I was more ready for this on Wednesday than I was this weekend.  I'm frustrated with my body and I can officially say that all the fun of getting pregnant and being excited to have a baby has been ripped away from me and that is what I think makes me the most mad.  This is supposed to be a wonderful, magical time where I buy baby clothes and pick out names and get excited about my changing body.  Now I'm just pissed at everyone who has or has had a baby and I'm angry at my body and I'm a little confused with the whole plan here.  How's that for having a positive attitude?

Oh, and just to add to the fun, my cervix still refuses to open so I basically have a giant blood clot for a uterus and the draining equipment isn't working.  My belly is sticking out so far it looks like I'm four months pregnant.  I don't want to do a D&C because I'd rather use the $3000 deductible it's going to cost me for that trip to Europe I promised myself, so I just have to sort of sit and wait for SOMETHING to happen.  It's less than awesome.

I guess the upside is that now I get my trip to Europe.  I'd rather have a baby in June but I guess that will work too.

I'm taking the team off the field for now.  I can't do this again anytime soon.  I might be forty by the time I decide to give this another go.  Probably not, but it sounds good right now so don't rule it out.