So *That's* Why People Have Kids

I'm so behind.  In so many things.  Sleep.  Cleaning.  Church.  Friendships.  Showering.  All of it.  I think I naively thought I'd immediately be supermom and have my ish all together all the time.  Insert hysterical laughter HERE. 

Right now I am so so so so tired.  Today I had a rare day where I accomplished a lot of stuff. I walked the dog twice, went to Target, Costco and the Pharmacy, cleaned a little bit, made dinner and helped clean up after dinner.  I've been up since 5:30 (after being up at 2:00 and 4:00) and didn't get a nap so I should reaaallly go to bed but I'm so enamored with this little human I helped create that I can't sleep because I know I'll wake up tomorrow and he'll be a little older and never the same as he was today. 

There are so many moments I never ever want to forget, and I really wish I had time to sit down and blog about them more often.  Like tonight S fell asleep nursing but I had to wake him up to get him a clean, bed ready diaper and pajamas.  I always hate to wake him up but putting him to bed in a onsie and a wet diaper just doesn't sound like responsible parenting to me so I do it.  As usual he took a few minutes to wake up but when he did he was just so darn happy to be alive.  He sat on the changing pad while I let him air it out a bit and just cooed and gurgled and kicked his ohsofat little legs.  Once he was all ready for bed I went back to the rocking chair and we hung out for a while and talked.  He is making all these hilarious faces, usually trying to imitate mine.  He'll raise or furrow his eyebrows or stick out his tongue a few seconds after I do it.  He'll smile and screech then coo at how clever he was to be able to make such a loud noise.  Tonight he was especially animated, as if he was telling me a really good story.  I sat there just hoping he'd never get tired and we could just hang out all night.  But then he started to rub his eyes and wriggled and coerced his way, grunting all the while, into his new favorite sleeping position, the one only I have figured out - in the crook of my left arm with his face smooshed into the little space between my elbow and my side, his right arm hanging down and his left resting on my chest.  Once he's in position it takes him less than a minute to fall asleep but it takes me about half an hour to go put him down in his bassinet because I just don't.want.to.  Putting him to bed means that today is over and we'll never do exactly that again and it makes me SAD!


I'm not the first (or last) person to say this, but there are definitely times I miss working (and money!), and feeling smart, and socializing, and sleep, and being able to answer the phone and talk for hours, and leaving the house without a million things shoved in my gigantic diaper bag while I try to balance the carrier and lock the door all at the same time.   Between the baby and the puppy I am needed every.single.second of every.single.day.  It's the life I chose but it's exhausting (and I'm only 11 weeks in!!).  Everyone who says that having kids is hard and that you have to be prepared to put yourself second a lot of the time is absolutely right.  But they are also right that it's worth it because I can tell you that when that kid smiles at me I could not care less about myself or anything else in the whole wide world.  I made him in my body!  And he's perfect and he loves me most of all.

This motherhood thing?  Is amazing.

9 weeks old